These provocative comments might be disguised as constructive criticism or “just jokes,” but you can distinguish them because they are often comments laced with condescension rather than compassion and consideration.
Harsh teasing that serves no other purpose but to ignite your anger or annoyance, put you down and insult you from playful teasing which is used to flirt and build rapport with a partner. Beware of the tactics of the covert sarcastic put-down.
Of course, if you’re familiar with the vicious abuse cycle of narcissists which include idealization, devaluation and discard, you’ll know that you’ll soon be thrust off the pedestal.
Don’t attempt to justify this if it happens with or without the involvement of alcohol – alcohol may lower inhibitions, but it doesn’t cause personality transplants.
It’s very likely that the abuser is revealing his or her true behavior even while claiming that the “drink” made him or her do it.
If you find yourself frequently confronted with these so-called “helpful” comments in the first few dates, be wary.
Nobody should be trying to “change” you immediately when they’re just getting to know you, and if they are, this is a recipe for chaos.
It reveals a sense of entitlement to your time and presence without regard for your personal preferences, desires or needs.