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The public don't want the Mail privatised (70% voted against in a Sunday Times poll) and there's good reason for such reluctance.

Shares in the Mail could well be sold too cheaply (as with previous privatisations), leaving taxpayers feeling cheated.

That way if someone does see the order slip — or if the goddamn NSA is still peeping on you — it'll look innocent. • Made from body-safe material • Super-tight suction • Antibacterial sil-a-gel formula • Molded directly from porn star Sasha Grey's mouth • "…

better and cheaper alternative to Fleshlight." • "Feels almost like my GF." • "Fun sometimes, but wears out fast and honestly hand feels better." • "… • " While my new girlfriend elicited a great deal of pleasure initially, she proved and unfit partner as her vagina tore quickly.

We put both sides of in there as well — the good and the bad.