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Failing that, starting low-investment conversations with people around you – talking briefly with the waitress at dinner, for example – can help you warm up and get ready to meet people. “Well if you’re texting a girlfriend, I’m going to be walking away from this my smoothest moment. At this point in my development, I’d met very few women who were willing to sass me back right off the opener; most of the women I met in bars either would reject me right off or tended to be much more indirect.

Also important: developing a feel for the energy levels of the people around you. “The guy you’re texting who’s clearly late.” She smirked at me. This was the first time I’d run into someone who was willing to straight-up call me out on what I was doing.

I liked someone who could banter with me, but I hadn’t met anyone who managed to upend my expectations. I said I had a boyfriend.” That night we exchanged numbers; I joked that as long as she was going to be stalking me, I should be able to tell her where I was to make it easier on her. Just so you know, I’m was making it clear that she liked me…

She refused my offer of a drink but sit with me instead. Still exists.” “ the one who pulled me into the corner,” I responded. and was dropping considerable hints that hooking up wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Since most people you’d meet early in the evening would only just be starting out, you wanted to conserve your energy.

Certain bars were for early in the evening when things were more chill and we were only trying for numbers.

But sometimes it can be hard to see how these all fit together.